When Your Parents Don't Understand

When Your Parents Don't Understand

A Devotional for Young Hearts (Ages 7-14)

Opening Thought

"You just don't understand!" Has that phrase ever come out of your mouth when talking to your parents? Maybe they said no to something you really wanted to do, or they made a rule that seems totally unfair. Perhaps they embarrassed you in front of your friends, or they just don't seem to "get" what's important to you right now.

Feeling misunderstood by your parents is one of the most frustrating experiences you can have. After all, these are the people who are supposed to know you best! But here's something that might help: even when your parents don't fully understand you, there's someone who always does. And sometimes, God can use the challenging moments with your parents to help you grow in ways you never expected.

God's Word Says...

"Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 'Honor your father and mother.' This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, 'things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.'"
Ephesians 6:1-3 (NLT)

"My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake your mother's teaching."
Proverbs 6:20 (NIV)

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him."
Psalm 103:13 (NIV)

"Every year Jesus' parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom."
Luke 2:41-42 (NIV)

"But he said to them, 'Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?' But they did not understand what he was saying to them. Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them."
Luke 2:49-51 (NIV)

Why Parents Sometimes Don't Understand

They're Looking Out for Your Future, You're Focused on Right Now

Your parents have lived longer and experienced more, so they often worry about consequences you might not see. When you want to quit piano lessons because they're boring, they might be thinking about how you'll regret not having that skill later. When you want to stay up late on a school night, they're thinking about how tired you'll be tomorrow.

They Remember Being Your Age (But Times Have Changed)

Your parents were kids once, but they grew up in a different world. They didn't have social media, smartphones, or some of the pressures you face today. Sometimes they try to solve your problems with solutions that worked for them 20-30 years ago, which might not fit your current situation.

They Love You So Much It Makes Them Worried

Sometimes parents' love makes them overprotective. They've seen you get hurt before, and they want to prevent it from happening again. What feels like them not trusting you might actually be them being scared because they care so much.

They're Human and Make Mistakes Too

Your parents don't have all the answers, even though it might seem like they think they do. They're still learning how to be parents, especially as you grow and change. They make mistakes, misunderstand situations, and sometimes react out of their own stress or tiredness.

You're Growing and Changing

You're not the same person you were a year ago, and your parents might still be catching up to who you're becoming. The things that interested you or worried you last year might be completely different now, but your parents might not have noticed the change yet.

Biblical Examples of Parent-Child Misunderstanding

Jesus and His Parents

Even Jesus experienced this! When He was 12 years old, He stayed behind in the temple talking with the teachers while His parents traveled home, thinking He was with them. When they found Him, they were worried and confused. Jesus explained that He had to be in His Father's house, but the Bible says "they did not understand what he was saying to them." Even Mary and Joseph—two of the most faithful people in the Bible—didn't always understand their son. But notice what Jesus did: He went home with them and was obedient to them.

David and His Father

When the prophet Samuel came to choose one of Jesse's sons to be the next king, Jesse didn't even think to call David in from the fields. His own father didn't see his potential! But God saw David's heart and chose him anyway.

Joseph and His Brothers (and Father)

Joseph had dreams that showed his family would bow down to him one day. When he shared these dreams, his brothers hated him and even his father rebuked him. But years later, those dreams came true when Joseph was in a position to save his family during a famine.

Common "Parents Don't Understand" Situations

"They Won't Let Me Do What My Friends Do"

What you feel: Left out, embarrassed, angry What they might be thinking: "I know this family/activity/situation better than my child does" or "I'm not comfortable with this for safety reasons" How to handle it: Ask questions instead of arguing. "Can you help me understand why you're not comfortable with this?" Sometimes they have information you don't have.

"They Embarrass Me in Front of My Friends"

What you feel: Humiliated, frustrated, like they don't care about your feelings What they might be thinking: They might not even realize they're embarrassing you, or they might think your friends' opinions matter less than they do to you How to handle it: Have a private conversation later. "When you did _____ in front of my friends, it made me feel embarrassed. Could we talk about how to handle that differently next time?"

"They Don't Trust Me"

What you feel: Frustrated, like you'll never prove yourself What they might be thinking: "I need to see consistent responsibility before I give more freedom" or "I'm worried about situations beyond my child's control" How to handle it: Ask what specific things you can do to earn more trust. Then actually do them consistently.

"They Don't Care About What's Important to Me"

What you feel: Unheard, unimportant What they might be thinking: They might be overwhelmed with their own responsibilities, or they might not realize how important something is to you How to handle it: Try saying, "This is really important to me. Can we talk about it?" instead of assuming they don't care.

"They're Too Strict Compared to Other Parents"

What you feel: Unfairly treated, left out What they might be thinking: "I'm not other parents—I'm responsible for my own child" or "I have different values and priorities" How to handle it: Focus on your specific situation rather than comparing. "Could we talk about why this rule is important to our family?"

God: The Parent Who Always Understands

He Knows Your Heart

While your parents see your actions and hear your words, God sees your heart. He knows your motivations, your fears, your dreams, and your struggles. When you feel completely misunderstood, you can talk to God and know that He truly gets it.

He Remembers What It's Like to Be Young

Jesus was a kid and a teenager once. He experienced growing up, having parents, feeling misunderstood, and navigating relationships with adults. He can relate to everything you're going through.

He's Patient with Your Growth

God doesn't expect you to be perfect or to have everything figured out. He's patient with your questions, your mistakes, and your process of growing up. He's not frustrated when you need time to learn and mature.

He Can Help Bridge the Gap

God cares about your relationship with your parents. You can pray for wisdom in how to communicate with them, for patience when they don't understand, and for your relationship to grow stronger over time.

Practical Ways to Handle Parent Misunderstandings

Try the "Help Me Understand" Approach

Instead of "That's so unfair!" try "Can you help me understand why you feel that way?" This shows respect and often leads to better conversations.

Pick Your Battles

Not every disagreement needs to become a big fight. Decide what's really important to you and focus your energy on those conversations.

Show Them Who You're Becoming

Sometimes parents hold onto old ideas about who you are. Show them through your actions that you're growing and changing in positive ways.

Apologize When You're Wrong

If you realize you misunderstood them or reacted poorly, apologize. This builds trust and shows maturity.

Give Them Time to Adjust

If you're changing and growing, give your parents time to notice and adjust their expectations. Change takes time for everyone.

Find the Right Time to Talk

Don't try to have serious conversations when your parents are stressed, tired, or distracted. Ask, "When would be a good time to talk about something important to me?"

Include God in the Process

Pray before difficult conversations. Ask God to help you communicate clearly and to help your parents understand your perspective.

Questions to Think About

1. Think of a recent time when you felt misunderstood by your parents. Looking back, can you see their perspective too?

2. What's one thing you wish your parents understood better about you?

3. How can you show your parents that you're growing and becoming more responsible?

4. What's one way you can honor your parents even when you disagree with them?

Prayer

Dear God, sometimes I feel like my parents just don't get me, and it's really frustrating. Help me to remember that they love me and are doing their best, even when we don't see eye to eye. Give me patience when they don't understand my perspective, and help me to communicate respectfully even when I'm upset. Show me how to honor them while also being honest about my feelings. Help my parents to understand me better, and help me to understand them better too. When I feel completely misunderstood, remind me that You always see my heart and know exactly what I'm going through. Use these challenging moments to help me grow in wisdom, patience, and love. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This Week's Challenge: The Understanding Bridge

This week, try to build bridges of understanding with your parents:

Day 1: Ask your parents to tell you about something that was important to them when they were your age Day 2: Share something that's really important to you right now and explain why it matters Day 3: Thank your parents for one thing they do for you that you usually take for granted Day 4: When you disagree with a decision they make, ask "Can you help me understand your thinking?" Day 5: Apologize for something you did recently that you know was wrong or disrespectful Day 6: Ask them what you could do to be more helpful or responsible around the house Day 7: Pray together as a family, or ask them to pray for something you're worried about

At the end of the week, reflect on:

• What did you learn about your parents that you didn't know before?

• How did they respond when you approached them with respect and curiosity?

• What's one thing that improved about your relationship this week?

Remember This

Your parents aren't perfect, and they won't always understand you completely. But they love you and are trying to do what they think is best for you. Growing up means learning to navigate relationships with people who don't always see things the way you do—and that includes your parents.

The goal isn't for your parents to understand everything about you perfectly. The goal is to build a relationship based on love, respect, and good communication. Sometimes you'll need to agree to disagree. Sometimes you'll need to obey even when you don't understand their reasons. And sometimes you'll need to have patience while they learn to see you as the person you're becoming.

Remember that God has placed you in your specific family for a reason. Even when it's hard, He can use your relationship with your parents to teach you important things about love, forgiveness, patience, and communication.

Most importantly, when your parents don't understand you, God always does. You can bring all your frustrations, questions, and feelings to Him. He's the perfect parent who sees your heart, loves you unconditionally, and is always working for your good—even through the imperfect but loving parents He's given you.